Saturday, April 11, 2015

Factoids with Dr. Patty ~ April 11th, 2015

Patti here. While you bipedal land-dwellers may have run over, mutilated, eaten, skinned, decimated, tortured and eradicated about a hundred rare and endangered species this week, you also managed to discover three new types of...dragons? No, these aren't Drogor, Rhaegal and Viserion, of Game of Thrones lore (though they couldn't have timed that discovery any better for HBO). Rather, these fascinating little critters are a form of dwarf dragon, a variation of wood lizard, discovered in Peru (named for easy pronunciation: Enyalioides altotambo, Enyalioides sophiarothschildae, and Enyalioides anisolepis). And they're not alone. Check out this little rare teddy bear, called an Ili pika, found hiding somewhere in the mountains of China, soon to be an herbal secret ingredient for erectile enlargement:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/03/150319-china-ili-pika-animals-conservation-science-rare-species/
There were even recent rumours of dodos being cheaply Photoshopped into the dark hills of Costa Rica:


As fallible as that latter evidence is, it's your factoid for the day. Humanity still hasn't managed to realize it's manifest destiny of destroying every last precious species on the planet...yet!

...Or yet?

...Have you now?

...Okay, give 'em a few more minutes. We can do this, guys.  



Friday, April 10, 2015

Factoids with Dr. Patty ~ April 10th, 2015

Patty here. Under what magical trickery do you suppose you are sitting there, fingers thick with Cheetos dust, pant-less and carefree, while reading my wonderful words? It must be that the internet beams into your device, be it a phone, tablet, or computer, from servers somewhere, in some nebulous, hidden bunker. And you'd suppose that this infinite stream of data passes into a nether realm where it can cross air and ocean with ease? The truth is your factoid for today, kind vegetarians and distasteful tasters of my innocent kin. Your precious (do your best Golem impersonation here) internet actually travels under the ocean itself, on something called Submarine Cables. It's true that most internet traffic passes through the Uniteed States of Murica, but it also hits every other corner of the globe, and to do so, to make such a trek, it goes deep underwater, crossing the oceans in a great network of physical cables. Similar cables were first put down there as early as the mid-1800's for telegraph machines, where they spread a messaging style later stolen by--you guessed it--the internet. Ancient LOL and ROFL, you might call it, with coded expressions and abbreviated phrases to save space. Today everything's fibre optics, heavily maintained, and rumoured to be compromised by governments at various points for the purpose of data collection. Regardless, this is how you get your weird Japanese cat videos and clips of Russian drivers killing each other off on some kind of wild west highway system. Personally, I'm all about the baby sloths.

Daily Toast #169


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Factoids With Dr. Patty ~ April 8th, 2015

Patty here. If an alien species were to come across our wayward rock they might determine human people to be an elite, albeit small ruling class. Who would they consider the master species, you ask? Well, if we conclude that the ability to survive and procreate are determining factors of successful domination and integration, then humans fare pretty low on the ol' totem pole. As per figures on www.antweb.org, there are an estimated 321,035,624,829,901,000 ants currently alive on the planet. That leaves us with around 45 million ants per lowly person. Regarding my own cowed species, around 50 billion burgers are produced and then needlessly masticated every year in America, culminating in a May 28th genocidal holiday known as National Burger Day, a day of burger mourning. If you take all of this into consideration, the stats put even burgers above humans on the planetary population scale, who are also far below the average 20 billion hotdogs to be anually produced and consumed by your glutenous masses. On this note I must beg you, though: feel no pity for them. Most hotdogs I've known are generally assholes. 

Bonus Daily Toast: #167

We have a bonus entry today, inspired by my later-on visit to the villainous torture chamber known as the dentist's office. Wish me luck, dear friends!


Daily Toast #166


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Factoids with Dr. Patty ~ April 7th, 2015

Patty here. Many of you may not be aware, but the ol' boob tube's been around a long time. On this date in 1927 the first demonstration of something resembling modern television occurred, paving the way for interchangeable laugh-track sitcoms, the slowly rotting carcass of TLC, re-runs of paranormal investigations, endless nights of infomercials, stars and celebrities who baste so long in unearned money that they eventually swell into cat-faced plastic manikins, and my favourite moment of all, the thing partly responsible for a desire to clap my hands above my head and own every toy in sight:



Daily Toast #165