Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Factoids With Dr. Patty ~ April 8th, 2015

Patty here. If an alien species were to come across our wayward rock they might determine human people to be an elite, albeit small ruling class. Who would they consider the master species, you ask? Well, if we conclude that the ability to survive and procreate are determining factors of successful domination and integration, then humans fare pretty low on the ol' totem pole. As per figures on www.antweb.org, there are an estimated 321,035,624,829,901,000 ants currently alive on the planet. That leaves us with around 45 million ants per lowly person. Regarding my own cowed species, around 50 billion burgers are produced and then needlessly masticated every year in America, culminating in a May 28th genocidal holiday known as National Burger Day, a day of burger mourning. If you take all of this into consideration, the stats put even burgers above humans on the planetary population scale, who are also far below the average 20 billion hotdogs to be anually produced and consumed by your glutenous masses. On this note I must beg you, though: feel no pity for them. Most hotdogs I've known are generally assholes. 

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